How to approach hard conversations

Everyone has to face difficult discussions at times. We have a coworker, spouse, child, neighbor, or someone in our life that we just struggle to communicate with. Maybe it is them. Maybe it is us. More likely it is just the combination of the two that makes it difficult.

So what do you do if you want to have a healthy conversation?

Check yourself.

That is right, yourself.

What is your purpose for the conversation? Is there some fear you have that you would like to free yourself from? Often we want to change someone else’s behavior to reduce some fear we have about the outcome of that behavior. Sometimes we are afraid because there can be dangerous outcomes from asking things. Sometimes it is just the struggle to maintain our own emotionality during arguments that get focused on your issues instead of THE issue.

What assumptions are you making about the other persons intentions? Are you going into the conversation waiting for the other person to disregard you or put you down? Are you defensive before you even start?

The best conversations leave egos at the door. Listening to hear how the other person feels and what they think without getting defensive improves the outcomes of conversations.

Look at the other person as a collaborator as opposed to an opponent. They are not the enemy just someone that has different ideas. Maybe listening to those ideas will improve your understanding and help you to be less fearful.