The depths of my psychology

2019 and the end of a decade of growth.

The last decade is coming to a close and I wanted to explore what this decade has meant to me in my personal journey of healing.

The beginning of this decade found me transitioning from full-time mother of a very developmentally disabled son into the mother of an adult child in care. This was the first time since I was 20 years old that I had not been the primary caregiver and support of at least one of my children. At 50 years old I was educated but lost and heading for big changes.

I remember saying to myself and a group of trusted friends that I needed to find myself and my purpose in life post parenting. I was open to changes and filled with fear about my ability to support myself and live life. I had forgotten or maybe never learned who I was and what I wanted.

I unconsciously set myself up for a decade of big learning and a lot of emotional education.

Life in 2010 was one of intense fear and a lack of sufficient answers. I lost my career within one week due to a law change I was unaware of and I became homeless and JOBLESS. I was in graduate school working toward my PhD in general psychology with a specialization in trauma. Careful what you chose to focus your attention on.

I left my home for several months to complete a personal education on unhealthy relationships and my attachment to people and things that were unable to love me (or so I thought).

You see if we really ask for things the universe is willing and able to bring us lessons to work through those questions. I have always been a deep diver and asked to heal my deepest scars in 2011.

I met some beautiful people both professionally and personally that gave me hope and walked me through fear of homelessness. I returned to teaching very part-time and found a love of learning and teaching that I had forgotten. I connected myself spiritually to a few people that helped me to begin to see how I had been keeping myself back from things I needed to explore.

In 2012 I worked hard on figuring out my spiritual path and was introduced to many friends that helped me to see where I was steering myself down the wrong path. I let go of some of the reality I had become accustomed to learning more about how people with schizophrenia experience the world on a daily basis. This was a time of great spiritual learning for me and I have such great compassion from those experiences that I can only be grateful for them.

In 2013 I wanted to learn about addictions and how to best help those afflicted with them. I have spent the last part of this decade from 2013 to 2020 in that pursuit. I have always been an experiential learner. and that has been my experience here as well

The universe guided me through my own experience of addiction, trauma recovery, understanding what addiction i, from the inside out, and healing processes so ingeniously devised that they are non-confrontational to the addict that is suffering.

I have followed Carl Jung since the third grade. His contribution to the science of addiction recovery is notable in the AA and NA communities as well as all of the recovery communities that exist from that initial group of healing people.

I had no idea the depth of healing that one can get if they only do the intense work of learning to know and love themselves in this way.

I have been blessed with those called challenging angels. The ones that show us exactly where we need to grow based upon our inability to stand them without the healing.

I am forever grateful for those that took an honest but gentle approach to feedback when I could not see what I could not see.

The benefit of growing in to my personal spiritual experience and self has given me a deeper understanding of how the universe in all its wisdom works in the greater good of all life.

The constant evolution of all things and the need for closely looking at things out of balance is paramount for me now.

I have suffered at the hands of my own misconceptions and those of people I had to leave beside the road along the way.

I have new insight into the divine nature of man and its suffering. How everything is a choice even though we can’t see that at times. I am more convinced than ever that growth doesn’t always come when we want it but more often when we need it, ready or not.

What I hope to leave you with is that the new year will bring for me a time of new foundations. The base level of my personal and spiritual self as well as my ability to support those that continue to suffer will be different. I will spend time reestablishing myself beginning now and until I am done with creating a more spiritual self.

The color of this creative new beginning is a deep blood red. The birth that comes from shedding blood of the divine like the birth of a child. I will bathe myself in the color and process what I know is my purpose this winter and will continue to work on the next levels of healing as they come. I have a new respect for those teachers that were able to self-actualize during their lifetimes. It is indeed a difficult and challenging process.

I hope that you give yourself the gift of freedom from fear this year as you work on your own set of growth challenges.

If you need supports through the time of renewal, I am at your service.

Many blessings Namaste.

Karen Van Acker LPC